Chapter Twenty-Three – The Dragon’s Favorite Strays

Chapter Twenty-Three

 

DAKOTA

 

If they didn’t have guns, I’d go out and introduce myself.

As it is, I’m trapped in a closet with a big, naked golden man who’s growling. Not an ideal situation. My daughter is hiding in the old bathroom, which adds to my tension. I want to protect her but I can’t if I get shot. I don’t know how trigger happy these women might be. I don’t know what to do.

Murr growls again, and in the direction of the bathrooms, something crashes. My heart skips a beat.

“Who’s there?” One of the ladies calls out.

My instincts to protect my daughter go into overdrive and I race out the door, shutting it behind me quickly and holding the doorknob so Murr can’t get out after me. “I am,” I call out. “I live here. I’m not armed!”

The door rattles behind me. I keep holding the doorknob.

A shotgun barrel comes into view, and an older woman with a terrible wig on her head appears a moment later, holding the other end of the gun. Her face is lined and she’s maybe five feet tall, a hundred pounds soaking wet. Huge glasses dominate her face and she glares at me, taking another step forward with the gun. “Who are you?”

“I live here,” I say again. “My name is Dakota.”

“Why are you hiding back here?” she asks suspiciously.

“Because you have guns?” Now if Rabbit could just stay put, that would be perfect.

The door behind me rattles again. The woman’s eyes narrow behind the magnified lenses and she scowls at me. “What’s in there?”

I think for a moment, trying to come up with a plausible answer, and then go with the truth. “Big naked man?”

Her mouth quirks and her gun dips a little. “He good looking?”

“Aggie!” barks the other voice. “That ain’t important right now!”

“It could be!” the woman, Aggie, calls back over her shoulder. “Been a while since I’ve looked at a pretty man.”

“We’re not here for men. We’re here for crosswords.” There’s a shuffling of feet and then a second woman comes around the corner, into sight. She’s carrying the biggest assault rifle I’ve ever seen in my life, the strap slung over her shoulder. She’s about the same height as the first woman, her hair a snow-white cap of short, tight curls, and her dark skin is unlined despite her age. She scowls in my direction. “You should have said something when we came in instead of acting all suspicious.”

“Again, you have guns,” I remind them, unable to take my eyes off that enormous assault rifle. “Really big ones.”

The women look unfazed. “Course we do. It’s the After. Guns are how you stay safe.” The second woman pats her rifle and then gives me another suspicious look. “Why aren’t you and your man in a fort?”

I think for a moment as the door rattles behind me. Murr growls louder. “Dakotah!”

The guns lift.

Shit. I put my free hand up. “He’s not really my man.”

“But you said he’s got his pecker out,” the one in the bad wig – Aggie – reminds me.

The second woman takes a step toward me, her expression uneasy. “You in danger? Do you need rescuing?”

Aggie’s eyes light up behind her glasses. She lifts her gun. “Do you need us to shoot him?”

“Let’s not shoot anyone!” I say nervously. They seem a little strange but the offer to rescue me makes me trust them a bit more. “Maybe we start over. Hi, I’m Dakota, and I live here. My teenage daughter is currently hiding because, again, you guys have guns. And the guy in the closet is a…friend that lives across the parking lot. He’s naked because…”

Aggie leans in to hear the answer, eyes wide.

“He’s a bit of a nudist,” I lie.

“Bad nudist or good nudist?” Aggie wants to know, then gestures at the door. “I don’t mind judging for myself–”

“Aggie!” the other woman chides. She eyes me. “Anyone else we need to know about? And you’re sure you’re not in danger?” Her voice drops very low for the last part, so low that only I can hear it.

The door behind me rattles again and Murr makes a frustrated sound. I decide to amend my statement, because it’s clear they’re not going anywhere anytime soon. “He’s, uh, a dragon. A dragon-man, that is. A dragon in man-form, but still a dragon.”

They exchange a look.

Aggie speaks up first. “Is he trying to eat you? Are you safe?”

“Very safe! He’s quite friendly, I assure you, despite all the noise he’s making.” I continue to hold the door handle. “He’s probably just nervous thinking that you’re both a threat.”

“And…he’s naked?”

“Quite naked.”

Aggie’s brows go up. “Can…I see his pecker?”

“Aggie!” The other woman is scandalized. “What do you want with a dragon pecker?”

“I don’t want anything with it! I just want to see if it’s normal. That’s all. Can’t a lady be curious?” Aggie pushes her heavy glasses up her nose. “I mean, he’s already naked.”

“He’s a dragon. We’ll be lucky if he doesn’t eat us,” the other woman chides.

She’s got a point. Not that I think Murr would be dangerous to them, but dragons in the past have been…volatile. “Just don’t touch any of the cats around here and I think you’ll be all right. He thinks of them as his.”

The older women nod. Aggie nudges her gun at the door. “We can do that. Bring him out.”

I close my eyes, questioning my sanity for a hot moment. At least Rabbit knows enough to stay hidden for now, just in case all of this goes south. Taking a deep breath, I turn the doorknob I’ve been holding in place and open the door. Murr slinks out the moment it’s open a crack, still in his human form. Smoke floats out of his nostrils and he looks peeved as he sees the two old ladies.

Then, he moves to my side, puts a possessive arm around my shoulders, and draws me back against him with a growl.

Aggie titters, looking him up and down. The other woman just gives me a knowing look. “Seems like the cats aren’t the only things he thinks are his.”

She might not be wrong.